• Veronica Tadross

Dating 201: Improve Your Self-Worth, not Others

Many people subconsciously accept that men are the "norm." The word "woman" is a derivative of the word "man", we say that dogs are "man's best friend," and we use male pronouns to refer to unnamed people. Although this may not directly reflect into sexism, viewing men as the "norm" could be part of the reason women are settling in relationships. People still think of humans as men, and women as men with some extra characteristics and biological processes. Sometimes, women see these extra characteristics as liabilities. Even when they find the world treating them equally, they allow their gender to limit them, and make them believe they can not expect the same happiness as what is the "norm." This mindset often manifests itself in relationships. Women have a shorter biological clock as to how long they can have children, and often feel they need to be in a hurry to find someone. To make things worse, research shows that there are often 38% more marriage-aged women than men in major cities, and many of the men who are present choose to delay marriage. Women are doomed to feel that dating odds are stacked against them. So what do they do? They settle. In high school, even before fear of the biological clock strikes, people of both genders tend to settle. They'll have a relationship just for high school, maybe break up before college, all is good, right? Maybe not. Because when you begin to settle, when do you stop? Women are less likely to stop, because they're told they need to have kids before they're 30, while men are told they have plenty of time. Two-thirds of women report trying to change their partner's characteristics, taking a series of angles to alter his or her career, appearance, and lifestyle, until he or she becomes someone they want to be with. They try to turn their frog into a prince. And when women do this, they are feeding into the narrative that they have biological limitations, and therefore deserve less in a relationship. They are told that because they are not the "norm," they will not find happiness. The first step to overcoming this is knowing that female characteristics are supposed to enable a better life for yourself, not limit happiness. These are not extra liabilities, but natural traits endowed to 50% of the population, and these 3.8 billion people do not have more limitations than the other 50%. Second, with modern medicine, the biological clock narrative is becoming a fallacy. The statistic that one in three women ages 35-39 will not become pregnant within a year, is an estimate from 17th century France. A 2011 study from the Population and Development Review revealed that older parents tend to be happier in general, possibly because they didn't let societies standards get to them. Thousands of women have had children in their thirties and even forties. So, women, don't think that you deserve less because of a biological clock or difficult dating market. Be patient, and remember that you are an integral part of the population that was created to be content every day of your life. SHARE

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